The Yearning.

The raging desire,
the yearning to bloom;
to spread my wings,
in the nurture of gloom.
Where when the darkness sings, the silence settles;
tenderly like the dewdrops, on my crimson petals.
Mere mention of day gives me jitters,
i fear the light, i dread the glitters.
-Vibhor.

THE WHISPERS OF THOSE SHADOWS..

Those scary shadows that haunt your world,
those shadows actually, are my world,
“We’re here to help, let go your fears”,
secretly they whisper in my ears.
Scary for you indeed they are,
but these fading shadows kept me sane so far. :)
-vibhor.

me trying.. :)

Ok.. so this is me trying to stay optimistic again..
& me trying to stop controlling everythng in my life...
me trying to let everything just flow..
holding on to things hurts... so i'm just trying to let go..

I should be like a hermit, I really don't need to connect myself to anyone..
I really don't need to depend upon anyone emotionally.
i'm trying to hold on to hopes.. faiths and beliefs once again..
this is me praying to be strong enough..

and i'm hoping like crazy for the God to be on my side this time.

let me cry.

nothing's going right in my life & i know things will turn worse. seriously, im losing all my hopes... my faith, my confidence, my will to fight against sadness.. im losing everything. everyday i go to bed crying.. hoping that i'll sleep and wont be able to wake up at all the next day.. hoping that everything, my whole life, should just end suddenly.... but then as always there's nothing in my life i can control.
i dont need anyone in my life right now... i really dont..
no one to ask me whats wrong, no one showing concerns or worrying for me..
i just want someone to come and let me lay down quietly, rest my head in their lap.. and make me feel safe to cry and cry for hours and hours, carefree like a baby..
someone who'll just smile & let my tears roll down..
someone who'll just stop me from speaking anything & tell me that there is really no need for me to speak... it knows , it understands..
someone with a caring hand carressing my hair tenderly while i cry... a hand which eventually make me fall ASLEEP, forever.
and may that someone be some divine existence... bcoz i've no hopes from humans and humanity, perhaps, i never had.
-vibhor.

i need...

Yes, sometimes I want to be normal like others.
But thats very rare.
Most of the time im just happy to be the way I am.
All I ever wanted was to hav one person who can help me escape the world, who can always help me ignore the existence of a world.
& that person could hav been anyone.
But I dont know may be Im wrong. Or may be im just overthinking.
I always end up feeling being used as a toy.
May be I just dont need anyone.
Everytime. Everytime I try to be normal, try connecting to people, try opening myself to someone..
everytime I try taking off my mask, try not to pretend & start introducing someone to the real me.., Life has its own way of telling me to stop, to go back to my shell & hide.
To guard myself.
To stop sharing. to stop finding a connect.
May be its time to kill the hopes.
May be there is no need to attach any strings.
May be I need to understand that the world outside & the world inside my head can never ever have a connection.
I need to respect the fact that They r two entirely different worlds.
People hurt. People use u. For them im just a toy.. a plastic toy only meant for making them feel good.
though I know they do it unknowingly.
Coz maybe this is all deep rooted in the human psyche.
I guess the need is to prevent the mask from slipping & wearing it back properly.
May be all I need is to find a way to use people to keep me happy
without being attached to them
& without hurting their feelings.
I hope someday I will.
-vibhor.

THE GRUMPY OLD MAN....... (and his teddy) :(

A busy chaotic street.
Traffic.. Screams.. people.., Noise.
A grumpy, helpless old man, barefoot..
walking across the street with a stuffed teddy in his hand.
For him there is nothing around. nothing at all.
Just a vast desert.. Lonely desert. &Scorching mid-day heat.. Heated sand, hot sandstorms
& all he knows is that he is walking through the sand.
Facing down. Disturbed, lost in his thoughts. Hopeless. defeated.
Screaming inside as loudly as he could, but from outside, he's just the silent grumpy oldman..
He keeps walking.. Too lost to care about anything.
& then that teddy in his hand drops down.
He stops. looks down at it for a moment.
& all he could see was a sad faced teddy lying in the heated sand with dirt all around. (The same teddy which was once happy cheerful & bright).
he stared at it for a little longer.
& then kicked it, he kicked his Teddy (his hopes..) with frustsation.
& then walked through his sand again.
Facing down. Disturbed, lost in his thoughts. Hopeless. defeated. Frustrated.
The same old grumpy man.... just a little more dead inside. :(
-vibhor.

may be i should. SHOULD I?

Watched aashiqui2. Yea yea I know.. The same old crap story with some pathetic acting performances. Hehe. Lets not talk about it. Lets talk about rahul jaykar aka RJ., the lead character of the movie. Its not often that I can relate to a character.. but Rj, he is equal to me. Me Minus the love or any girl problem. Its equal to me minus all his bad addictions. Yes, u must be thinking whats left in the character to talk about now. Well, watch the movie again( I know its too annoying to watch it again, but watch it for me). Watch it for the struggle he is having with himself. Watch it for the broken rahul. From the moment I started watching the movie I was so curious to come across some kind of answers or a path.. all through the movie I was waiting &Then the movie ended. & then I was like "f*ck! Suicide?" . I spent hours thinking a lot about it the whole night,& now it seems legit,justifiable, right. May be this is the only answer to all those questions.. :) and now all Im left with is "MAY BE I SHOULD.SHOULD I?"
But then hey! Im dexter morgan, how can I be soo weak! :) -vibhor!!

UNNOTICED! :)

THE THINGS UNNOTICED,
UNHYPED,
THINGS AWAY FROM THE LIMELIGHT..
ARE SOMETIMES THE MOST BEAUTIFUL..
And NOT BEING LIMELIGHTED IS THEIR LOVELIEST PART..
Just like
SOME WORDS..
UNSPOKEN.. :)
-vibhor!

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

yes, there are 2 worlds.
One which we live in, THE WORLD OF REALITY.
The other we build around ourselves..
The world of dreams. fantasies. fairy tales.
&Yes, dreams include nightmares too, but still.
Reality is far more murky.
Reality is scarier.
And though reality is unpredictable,
its boring, damn boring.
Reality is messy. Emotions are messy,
feelings are messy.
yes,Humans are messy.

TRAPPED.. in the shadows..

TRAPPED!! trapped in shadows.. DARK SHADOWS.. .
shadows of the world around. shadows of himself.
SCARED. CLUELESS HELPLESS.
people told him shadows are nothing but a reflection.
people told him dont fear the dark,& wait for the light, coz light conquers everything.
but he, he just smiles, at those ppl, &their ignorance.
coz he doesnt fear the DARK. not at all.
HE FEARS THE LIGHT.
it’s the light.. light is the only reason for these scary shadows, not the darkness.
darkness never leads to shadows…. or fear..
-vibhor!

O LIFE!

Yes, we hav our own diffrences.

Yes, sometimes, we both have misunderstandings.

And yes, sometimes we fight a lot.
But still, O LIFE!..
you know I love you.. And love you soo much, for my own weird reasons.

Cheers to U, O LIFE!

-vibhor.

:( FUCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

Sometimes, yes your life sucks,

when you have so much to say, so much to cry out, but you dont have someone to talk to.

U have so many people in your life but not a single person who is there for u.
Someone u need.
someone to share everything about you, to whom you can tell without any worries, that how defeated, damaged, ruined, devastated, scattered u r from inside.

Times wen u need some1 who listens to u patiently,willingly.
Someone who just doesn't give those typical fake reactions of care & concern.

Someone on whose shoulders u can cry & cry for hours just like u have cried alone in nights.

Someone in front of whom u dont have to pretend being happy.

Some1 who understands u& your flaws.

Some1 who just looks into your eyes & tells u that its just okay to b like the way u r,everything's gonna b alright.


-Vibhor

THAT FEELING...

The sound of a calm,cool breeze in a busy, noisy chaotic city full of various sounds......,
sometimes has a feeling.


The same feeling that the moon has, at night, while it is among all those lovely twinkling stars.


or the feeling, which a oildrop spilled in a vast ocean has.


THE FEELING OF LONELINESS,THE LONELINESS A PERSON FEELS WHILE STANDING IN A CROWD,THE CROWD OF PEOPLE ALL AROUND, THE FAMILY, THE FRIENDS.

THE STRANGE LONELINESS, NONE CAN DESCRIBE.

SKY.. is a canvas..

Sky is a canvas..

Man! I love the way 'HE' paints..

The way 'HE' uses the playful careless winds as brushes on the ever-gorgeous clouds,

the way 'HE' glorifies it all with the heavenly touch of beautiful light
& the little cute bird dancing on that ray of the sun,

OH! simply turns it into an unexplainable divine experience

SCATTERED!

I dont wanna be a photographer,

I dont wanna be a painter,

or a writer,

a grafitti,

or any damn thing..

I click, I sketch, I write,
not to become something..,
but just to calm the voices in my head,
just to satiate something which is there inside me, hidden from the world.

An entanglement of thoughts unshared.

An unending puzzle in me which needs to get solved.

And somewhere,

somehow

all this clicking, this writing, sketching etc., just keeps me normal,
keeps me sane.
like the pieces of those unsolved puzzles in my head.

Im just some scattered shards of glass trying to gather myself.

-vibhor

THE DIARY OF A RED ROSE : page- 1.

A lil dewdrop fall on my eyes from a leaf above me.


& I woke up to a lovely beautiful morning..


filled with the Birds chirping & smell of fresh air all around..


An innocent ray of sunlight tenderly opened my eyes to a beautiful world outside.
As I looked around, as always I saw that butterfly, a beautiful species with gorgeous green eyes & those amazingly attractive yellow coloured wings with a fluorescent blue outline.


I just love those round, red spots all over her wings.
She was sitting silently on one of my petals & was enjoying the morning. My heart skipped a beat when suddenly her oh-so-soft &silky wings brushed with my petals. Ahh & that sweet look she gave me then. We both melted into each other's eyes for a moment. She smiled at me & then flew away.


Seriously I just cant imagine any of my mornings to start without her lovely presence.


-VIBHOR.

YOU ARE THE ONE I MISS......

Hey!
I love the way u shyly hide behind the moon..

Then filled with naughtiness u peep thru those clouds..

when u r busy talking to the winds.. I love watching u..

as u play with these stars all around u.. My eyes are simply glued to u.
The way u blink with every twinkle of them.. & that ever cute smile u give while u passionately look into my eyes.
oh! My heart skips a beat.

But

Thats when I feel I m the most helpless.

Hey angel..
For a while at least come down to me.
Or take me away with u... to ur fairyworld forever.

All I wanna say is

'u r the one I miss'
hey I need u.
-VIBHOR

those memories ......those days

Watching those birds & then trying to fly.
Those ants & spiders with whom I used to play...
the whole day.
Those paperplanes of mine that used to fly high in the sky.
Those raindance & the paperboats.
The terrace at the top of my house which I wasnt allowed to
climb.
The street dogs I used to kiss while going to school.
Playing with the fire that used to be a crime.
The faces I used to find, in those clouds above the sky.
That stuffed teddy which used to Say "I love u" whenever I
used to cry. :)
I miss them all.
How i Wish those memories, those sweet childhood memories
could again come alive. :)
-VIBHOR.

BEING SINGLE . . .

Being single.

Haha.

Its such a painful crime sometimes. 

Everyone looks upon u like a worthless loser. 

Even I always took Being single as a big pain in the butt. I used to get soo desperate to get involved. :D 

The moment some girl get a little too friendly I used to dream day night about her.

 Atleast its not the same any more. After a few stupid love& heartbreaks. I kind of understood the beauty of being single.. :) 

Better stay single than wasting ur precious time & emotions on someone wrong.  ...

After watching a whole lotta commited ones out there.. it Really feels respectful being single. U get to know this beautiful life more & better, when u dont hav to waste time of ur life on wrong ones.

&Why regret being single?

I still find those sunsets beautiful.

I still love watching stars & the moon.

Still beaches, raindrops & romantic music/movies fascinate me.

&Moreover, single means,

i hav my own command on my money, my phone bills, my time, my academics.

Vaise lets be frank.. Thoda bhaav milne pe, I still get over-excited, I still wont mind getting committed. Lol.

But yea.. 

We should enjoy & respect being single. U realy gonna miss these days later. :) :) :)

-VIBHOR.

:(

& it feels so bad actually………………..
there were umpteen dreams i had for me … none came true..
& when i just look at my life.. :) it feels like the GOD was just kidding with me, with my life……….. and at the end of the day i m soo lonely… a loser :’(
the worst thing is when u have no one to blame...  because one way or the other its actually me responsible for ruining my life..
all i can say is...
i know a beautiful life is being wasted.  :’( …………..