But thats very rare.
Most of the time im just happy to be the way I am.
All I ever wanted was to hav one person who can help me escape the world, who can always help me ignore the existence of a world.
& that person could hav been anyone.
But I dont know may be Im wrong. Or may be im just overthinking.
I always end up feeling being used as a toy.
May be I just dont need anyone.
Everytime. Everytime I try to be normal, try connecting to people, try opening myself to someone..
everytime I try taking off my mask, try not to pretend & start introducing someone to the real me.., Life has its own way of telling me to stop, to go back to my shell & hide.
To guard myself.
To stop sharing. to stop finding a connect.
May be its time to kill the hopes.
May be there is no need to attach any strings.
May be I need to understand that the world outside & the world inside my head can never ever have a connection.
I need to respect the fact that They r two entirely different worlds.
People hurt. People use u. For them im just a toy.. a plastic toy only meant for making them feel good.
though I know they do it unknowingly.
Coz maybe this is all deep rooted in the human psyche.
I guess the need is to prevent the mask from slipping & wearing it back properly.
May be all I need is to find a way to use people to keep me happy
without being attached to them
& without hurting their feelings.
I hope someday I will.
-vibhor.
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